UGH. DOTS

"functionoverfashion" (functionoverfashion) 10/25/2019 at 09:30 • Filed to: dots, ugh, uuuggghhhhhhhhhhh, UUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH

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Spotted in the grocery store parking lot yesterday. If I had been driving my truck, I would have LOVED to park about 1.5" away. I would have had to stay nearby, to see the reaction, maybe by chatting up the cop that was conveniently parked 2 spaces away . Bring it, “Karen.” But sadly, I was in the Volvo and I dutifully stayed FAR away.

Since you can’t read the sticker on the side window, I’ll explain.

It reads:

I HAVE KIDS

PARK TO [sic] CLOSE

AND THEY WILL

DING YOUR SHIT

[long inhale...]

1) Congratulations, you somehow managed to procreate 2) that’s the wrong “to” 3) I also have kids but they’re not jerks 4) you have a minivan so how do your kids manage to ding other cars with your sliding doors and do I even care 5) you have multiple stickers with various bad words on them , on a car you use to transport your kids, I bet they love teaching innocent kids on the playground how to swear at their friends, teachers, and parents 6) good luck with that “free airbag test for tailgaters,” when the whole back half of your car is caved in 7) you unequivocally suck.

LET ME SPEAK TO THE MANAGER

MasterMario - Keeper of the V8s > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:37

8

“ This person seems like a sane well adjusted adult that I’d like to get to know”

-no one

Ash78, voting early and often > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:38

4

Forget all the politics, conspiracy theorists, and psychos who cover their cars with crap .

This is hands down the worst I’ve seen, considering the context. Like, I’m talking “cry for help” levels of long-term postpartum psychosis. 3 or 4 steps past clever, cute, or edgy. Pure class.

vondon302 > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:39

1

This is exactly why I miss my beat up P71 crown vic.

MKULTRA1982(ConCrustyBrick) > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:40

0

You included photos of their license plate #, now the government might be able to get their information 

OPPOsaurus WRX > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:45

8

i can guarantee that you are not

nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:45

9

This is 100% a stay at home mom that spends 90% of her time on Facebook making posts about drinking wine from the bottle at 11am *because Mom life* , how they’re never caught up on laundry, their kids are monsters (even though their only interaction was from Mom herself for the first 4 years of their lives), and other posts about how being a Mom is the toughest job on the planet.

412GTI > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:46

4

People with that amount of sticker and the subject of them need a mental heath evaluation. That’s not normal, right? 

fintail > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:47

2

Proof that the mental health system needs help, stat. Of course these people breed like rabbits.  

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:49

2

Ugh. I bet her kids will grow up well adjusted

functionoverfashion > Ash78, voting early and often 10/25/2019 at 09:51

1

I think you’re right. I might enjoy talking to a conspiracy theorist whose 1986 panel van is covered in stickers, because I bet they’d have some interesting things to say, from a pure entertainment-from-fellow-humans perspective, anyway. I just wouldn’t get inside.

This person, however.... no.

functionoverfashion > nFamousCJ - Keeper of Stringbean, Gengars and a Deezul 10/25/2019 at 09:52

3

Don’t forget the factually dubious re-posts of jpgs of text spouting “deep life advice” or outright conspiracy theories about the local school board.

functionoverfashion > 412GTI 10/25/2019 at 09:53

1

I’m sure she’d be willing to sit down and have a frank conversation about her life choices.

Tekamul > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:54

1

You know t h eir kids are well known by the school s’ resource officers. Every Su mmer when the class placement lists come out, somewhere 5 teachers roll their eyes and let out a sigh as they see that last name on their list.

If you were to see them in person, may I suggest  “and a fine raccoon middle finger to you too, ma'am!"

functionoverfashion > MKULTRA1982(ConCrustyBrick) 10/25/2019 at 09:55

1

lol - hold on let me copy/paste over that license plate with a picture of her face

promoted by the color red > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:55

2

Anyone who feels the need to tell the world they’re sometimes an asshole is an asshole 100% of the time. Also, good gawd this is so suburb/small-town that I can almost see her swerving into my local WalMart.

BeaterGT > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:56

0

This brings Live Free or Die to whole new levels. 

functionoverfashion > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever 10/25/2019 at 09:57

1

Positive contributors to the community, no doubt

SilentButNotReallyDeadly...killed by G/O Media > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 09:59

1

The Carnival is clearly... over

functionoverfashion > BeaterGT 10/25/2019 at 10:02

1

On a related note, I just heard about this case recently:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wooley_v._Maynard

tl/dr: NH resident wanted to intentionally cover up the Live Free Or Die motto on his plate, went all the way to Supreme Court and won. I guess he wanted to “live free” or something

BeaterGT > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 10:06

1

I can’t believe he got a citation for it in the first place. Oh wait, yes I can. You could say he was armed with freedom after that .

412GTI > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 10:09

0

LOL

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 12:04

0

No salt life?

functionoverfashion > gmporschenut also a fan of hondas 10/25/2019 at 13:56

0

oh yeah but along the lines of another comment, it would have been in that font but read: MomLife 

Under_Score > functionoverfashion 10/25/2019 at 16:56

0

They didn’t even bother to get a higher trim Sedona. Also, is this a part of living in a place with a reputation like New Hampshire?

functionoverfashion > Under_Score 10/25/2019 at 21:07

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haha, not really... I mean... most people I know are really nice, even the ones who come across as jackass rednecks, if you punch them in the shoulder and hand them a beer they’re totally nice. This type of person wouldn’t be welcome in any circle of people that I can think of.